Everybody Wants It; Nobody Wants to Work for It

 This new blog has been created out of frustration. The frustration has been created from the daily views of Podcast, memes and reels of folk talking about why marriages and other relationships do not last between men and women. The answer is simple but folk just have to pontificate. They go on and on and round and round when the truth is everyone wants love, but doesn't want to do the work to maintain it. Love requires repeated decisions to love. Many believe simply saying the words, "I love you," is enough and should sustain the entire relational journey. This is a lazy attitude to bring into a union. All relationships require repeated effort. There is no settling or slowing down. A momentum has to be achieved and maintained. 

Many men and women enjoy the pursuing stage of a relationship without understanding on some level pursuit of your intendents heart should never end. When one gets into a relationship, they should do so with this in mind: Do it to share what you have to offer without expectation. Do it for the person you have chosen. People often seek out relationships for selfish, self-centered reasons. Many women have planned their weddings long before they have met someone to marry. Many men seek out marriage to have someone to take care of the aspects of their lives they find tedious. Rarely do folk think, "I want to meet someone to share my great capacity to love with and to do what I can to be a light in their lives. 

Until we accept the reality that marriage and other relationships require a certain amount of genuine maintenance, they will continue to crumble under the weight of life. To a great extent partners must take an "us against the world" attitude. They yes, sometimes infidelity proof. I mention infidelity because so often it is the reason for a divorce. By no means do I advocate anyone accepting repeated disrespect of the marital union, but I do believe in second chances.

Now, more than ever people in relationships need to cling to each other. You hear folk say, "Love shouldn't be this hard." Of course it's hard. What makes it hard is having to deny one's selfish and self-centered desires to consider another. It truly is that simple. Folk find compromise, submission, listening, etc., as too much to ask of them. Yet, there's no other way to have peace in a home. There has to be a balance of these things to successfully sustain a viable relationship. There will be times that one will carry more of the load than the other and that's okay. Life is unpredictable and you really just never know what each day will bring. Being committed to working it out, finding a way, doing without until you can do better and being present will insure your partner will do the same. 

This whole idea that marriage should make one happy is another fallacy that has ruined so many unions. Happiness is an inside job. If you aren't happy with yourself, you definitely won't be happy with anyone else. Folk are going to disappoint, deceive and fall short simply because that is what humans do. Granted, people have personal issues that reveal themselves throughout of the marriage. Drug addiction, alcoholism, chronic unemployment, immaturity, gambling addiction and so on. Truth be told many people reveal these issues before the wedding date but many choose to go ahead with the ceremony because they want the party. And I will say with confidence that it is more than likely the woman who goes through with the ceremony knowing she shouldn't. I've been to several weddings where the man was so high or drunk he had to be held up by the best man. "Red flags" have become a talking point even though they have always been around. Ignoring them is a past time for many. 

Love is an action word. Action requires effort. You want love? Work for it!