What It Feels Like To Age

 Ageism is truly an "ism" that is waste of time to participate in especially if you are afraid to die, which most people are ironically. Yet, so many have negative remarks and disrespect for those who have lived long enough to age. 

I am so grateful that as young as 15, I revered the elderly. One of my best friends was Mrs. Hodges who lived directly across the street from me on 23rd Street in my hometown of East St. Louis, IL. She was in her 70's and if I saw her on the porch, I would go sit and talk to her. I even went to Six Flags with her and her daughter and actually enjoyed myself. I would sit in the corner in my mother's beauty shop in our basement and listen to the talk going around. There is a lot be learned from those older than us. Taught me a lot about women and people in general. 

Now, don't get me wrong we don't achieve wisdom simply because we age, but aging gives us the opportunity to live long enough to gain wisdom from the life experiences we live through. Problem comes in when we try to skip the steps or cheat fate or nature. As you age, you should begin to realize the situations, issues, experiences, but most of all the people we encounter are presented to us in this life to support our opportunity to learn and grow. 

We get stuck and off track when we try to control our outer world or move with self-centered intentions. Time not only ages us, but they way we perceive the world, how we treat other people, what we eat, what we think and how we feel about ourselves. 

My experience with aging didn't hit me until I was 45. Up until then, I didn't experience aches and pains. Then, all of sudden, I began to feel aches in my knees that progressed to my hips. Loving to dance; I began to notice my recovery time began to take longer. By the time I was 50, my knees were literally in so much pain I had to consult a doctor and found I was walking bone on bone. They offered a shot that was supposed to offer relief for up to three months. Never lasted that long for me and my being overweight most likely played a huge part in that being so. 

Aging came as a shock to me. Every time I felt a pain I'd sit and wonder why was this happening to me. Aging feels like your body has turned against you. Your mindset doesn't change so you still flop in a chair or stand too quickly. You better not just try to jump out of bed; easy does it. Easy does it becomes a daily part of your life. When I awake, I lay there for a few minutes and wiggle to see what's gonna hurt first or most. Right now, it is my right hip because it needs to be replaced. It keeps me up at night if I don't sleep a certain, but trying to find a comfortable position is hard because I have arthritis in my neck and back. Even though both knees have been replaced, I still have to sleep with a pillow between my knees to at least fall asleep.

Then, it's the internal complications that comes with aging. For most black people hypertension is a given. So, by the time you're in your 50's you most definitely will have to deal with it on some level. I didn't have complications with diabetes until my late 50's. These two conditions require constant care as they can wreck your internal organs and disrupt your quality of life in a horrific way. Genetics only play about a 20% role when it comes to diabetes so one must make the necessary adjustments to keep blood sugar levels with normal range.  

Dealing with those who view aging as a flaw or that one is disconnected or unable to learn because they are older is a nightmare. The disrespect, the becoming invisible and an after thought is horrifying. The first time I was called a "Boomer," I didn't relate and had to ask what the person was talking about. To find that I was thought of as irrelevant because of the year I was born was a true slap in the face. I made a comment on the page of "The Love Life of An Asian Guy," on Facebook that pissed off his followers. I received 693+ hateful comments. Most of them referred to me being out of touch and a Boomer. I replied to everyone of them. Then, I wrote a general comment telling them that they pride themselves on being relevant, but they cannot handle someone else's opinion being different from their own. That shut them down. Now, when I comment, I rarely get any attacks. My wisdom was too much for them to handle. They thought this "Boomer" was too old to fight back.

So many people miss the point of what it means to age. You are far from useless. You are the carrier of life's lessons, experiences and are full of stories that those younger than you would benefit from hearing if only they didn't look at your wrinkles and gray hair and take it personally. Our society has been the worse source of hate for aging. Surgery, anti-aging beauty products, unrealistic beauty standards, hormone therapies, etc., all created to keep the aging Genie in the bottle. 

I didn't begin to wrinkle until my 60's and folk still say I look between 45 to 50, but that means nothing to me. I love the woman I have become and believe me had I not reached my 60's I would not have found the peace and serenity aging has brought me. I retired at 62, lost 20 pounds in two years with very little effort. Retiring put me in the headspace that allowed me to fully focus on me. The way I feel about myself at 64 is amazing to me. Even with the physical limitations, I love, love, love aging. Ultimately, it's how you think and feel about yourself that determines your true quality of life. Your mentality is what is going to make the difference between whether you age or just get old.