Why Men Don't Tell

 'I don't like putting my hands on people,' I said.

"I love it; that's why I can't keep a man. What's funny is I'm the same person who cries when I hit my kids."

This was an exchange between a woman and I who I just recently became associated with a few weeks ago. My jaw dropped when she made that assertion. She is the epitome of why I wrote the book, "What You Don't Say." This woman has clearly suffered some abuse. The way she said it made my skin crawl. She's making the men who she claims to love pay for what she's been unable to say enough to work through her trauma without involving others in a negative way. 

I met her children and I heard the youngest whisper to her, "I thought he was out of jail? When is he coming home?"

She half whispered back, "He is, but he can't come back right now."

I heard their conversation before the exchange we had about putting hands on folk. When I got home, my mind couldn't help but wonder if he was locked up due to domestic violence. Domestic violence which she most likely started just based off her own words. 

Men don't tell because:

1. Patriarchy has brainwashed them into believing they are invincible simply because they are male. The system has lied to them about what it means to show vulnerability. Many are so indoctrinated they ignore their health, take ridiculous risk, deny they have any part of female in themselves and that they do not feel pain.
2. They have been told women are weak, meek and non-violent. The last thing they are going to do is admit a "mere woman" was able to conquer them. They would rather take the beating.
3. Patriarchy has set it up where if they do say something, other men will and women who are just as indoctrinated by the system will think him weak. Most men are not self-aware enough or do not love themselves enough to recognize their worth. They don't see themselves worthy of love and protection. 
4. Many men fear the wrath of women. Contrary to popular belief; women can be and are vicious. Many more so than some men could ever be. They are completely thrown for a loop the first time violence happens. No different from male abusers; female abusers say, "I'm sorry; I'll never do it again."
5. There are far to few places for men to turn for help without possibility encountering some type of disbelief or shaming. 

I have known abusive women my entire life. Many of them have gotten away with abusing others  especially if the abuse was against their children. They are bullies doing all they can to purge themselves of what they can't say. The ones I've known have all had a way about them that I saw in the woman I spoke of above. They are looking for an outlet for their repressed anger and no one is exempt from their tyranny. 

Men complain about the system not working for them yet, they often refuse to stand up for themselves. They need to join women in their efforts to dismantle patriarchy. This truly is the only way they will ever be taken seriously. Doing so would revolutionize the way men and women relate to each other. It would even the playing field in the court system and it will allow mean to be heard in ways they could never imagine.