Love is the Key

 I have literally been on dating sites on and off for over ten years. I go out to dance almost every Friday or Saturday or both and I have scores of people who know I'm single and open to meeting and engaging with a man, yet I'm still single. When the men ask me why I'm single, I know it is solely based on my appearance and that's cool, you want your potential mate to be attracted to you. Yet, when I'm asked that question, there is an uncomfortable feeling I get each time I hear it. I'm single because I haven't met anyone who I have connected with on a level that has allowed us to move forward. I met a man almost three years ago on BLK. We talked for five hours. At the end of the conversation I said, 'I really enjoyed talking with you with you.' He replied, "Wait a minute; you sound like you're not going to talk to me again." He picked up on the right vibe. We had a ball during the conversation. He was extremely comfortable with sharing...

  Mother-is a female parent, the woman who bears or raises a child, or a woman in a position of nurturing authority (source of origin). Father-is a male parent, defined as a the man who begets a child provides care, and exercises parental, legal, or social authority.  Parent-is a father or mother, either biological, adoptive, or legal guardian, who begets, raises, and cares for a child.  When I was in high school, I wrote a paper titled, "A Good Parent." My teacher, Mr. Joiner was astonished by my understanding of what a parent should be at such a young age. I didn't feel loved by my mother and father and I did not view them as parents. In my mind, the were too attached to the biology we shared and their obligations based on the fact they brought me into this world. Outside of that I was not a person. I had no identity that was not attached to what they thought they were supposed to do for me.  Many mothers and fathers tend to only see their offspring through their e...

 'I don't like putting my hands on people,' I said. "I love it; that's why I can't keep a man. What's funny is I'm the same person who cries when I hit my kids." This was an exchange between a woman and I who I just recently became associated with a few weeks ago. My jaw dropped when she made that assertion. She is the epitome of why I wrote the book, "What You Don't Say." This woman has clearly suffered some abuse. The way she said it made my skin crawl. She's making the men who she claims to love pay for what she's been unable to say enough to work through her trauma without involving others in a negative way.  I met her children and I heard the youngest whisper to her, "I thought he was out of jail? When is he coming home?" She half whispered back, "He is, but he can't come back right now." I heard their conversation before the exchange we had about putting hands on folk. When I got home, my mind cou...

 This morning I saw a post stating "All it takes is for one person to ruin your peace. I feel like some intentionally do it on purpose." Sherlene Shanklin/Facebook I responded, 'Now that I have it for real, no one can ruin my peace. If they try, they'll wish they hadn't.' If someone can wreck your peace, it's not yours. Our minds, hearts and souls are actual vaults. Unfortunately, our bodies, not so much. The reason someone can disturb one's peace is one does not fully have dominion over it. True peace cannot be disturbed. The reason this is true is due to the way it is obtained. To truly be at peace one must know who they are, what triggers them and how to regulate their emotions. It's only when one does not have control of themselves that others can knock them off their square. The tools needed to build a fortress around one's peace are discernment, self-awareness, detachment, compassion, mindfulness and empathy. Discernment--is the ability t...

 During an early argument with the man who taught me how to love, I yelled, "You don't love me!" "You won't let nobody love you," he yelled back. His words hit me straight to the brain. I immediately wanted to think about what he said and I did. The argument was over and I went into self-examination mode. Was I lovable? Was I capable of allowing myself to beloved? The answer was no. It was no because at the time I did not love myself. I felt deeply that my parents did not love me. They took care of me out of obligation and it was painfully obvious. My mother was more discreet when it came to verbalizing what her actions showed. My father would literally say, "All I owe you is three hots and a cot." In the book, "How to Be an Adult in Relationships," written by psychologist David Richo he says "Most people think of love as a feeling, but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." The book delves into the five A...

 I dream almost every night. I often remember the whole dream or bits and pieces. This morning I was awakened by my late husband in a dream that was set in a luxury high rise apartment. He had a child with him who I did not recognize and he was dressed shitty sharp in black and white. The three piece suit's vest was checkered. He had black Fedora on his head and was wearing that alluring smile that captured my heart often.  The dream had lots of moving parts, but the child disappeared and we were alone. Jeffery Osbourne's "Crazy Bout Ya," was playing in the background and my husband was pacing the floor. I wanted to slow dance, but he began talking about the coffee table. "I like that style," he said. I pulled him up and he embraced me for a few minutes, swaying back and forth just enough to draw me in then said, "Do you have to do something this morning?"  I immediately felt this sense of dread. My eyes popped open and it was 6:00 a.m. I sat up in...