The Difference Between Mothers, Fathers and Parents

 Mother-is a female parent, the woman who bears or raises a child, or a woman in a position of nurturing authority (source of origin).

Father-is a male parent, defined as a the man who begets a child provides care, and exercises parental, legal, or social authority. 

Parent-is a father or mother, either biological, adoptive, or legal guardian, who begets, raises, and cares for a child. 

When I was in high school, I wrote a paper titled, "A Good Parent." My teacher, Mr. Joiner was astonished by my understanding of what a parent should be at such a young age. I didn't feel loved by my mother and father and I did not view them as parents. In my mind, the were too attached to the biology we shared and their obligations based on the fact they brought me into this world. Outside of that I was not a person. I had no identity that was not attached to what they thought they were supposed to do for me. 

Many mothers and fathers tend to only see their offspring through their eyes which are clouded with the biological connect. My mother would often say, "You're not MY child or I can't believe you're MY child."

What did that tell me? She didn't see her in me and therefore, I was not worthy of her love and respect and she meant it. I recently spent a week with her and she became upset about something and began to berate me. I said, "Mom, you've never had any respect for me."

"Why should I respect you?" She said this with malice just as she did oh so many years ago. 

I'm grateful the truth I already knew didn't hurt, not even a little bit. I had other experiences with her during that week which were absolutely horrifying. Once she was gone, my take away was the fact I had healed from those mother wounds she had inflicted during my childhood.  

So, when I became pregnant, I decided I would not focus on mothering as much I would parenting. The way I viewed parenting is it has an element of detachment that allows the parent to separate themselves from the biology. Instead of believing they should have total control over the child, a parent understands the importance of helping their offspring become independent instead of consistently treating them like dependents. They teach them critical thinking skills instead of believing they know what is best for them simply because they are the mother/father. 

Parents pay attention to those who are in their charge in order to get to know who they are and will check in with them to see who they think they are. Parents love unconditionally without attaching outrageous expectations and denying their offspring autonomy. Parents see those in their charge as people who must develop into individuals who are capable of becoming productive, compassionate people. They understand the home is the breeding and training ground that should help achieve that goal.

Many mothers and fathers believe "Three hots and a cot," as my father would remind of us often is all they owe their offspring. Many mothers and fathers expect their offspring to follow in their footsteps, do everything they say without question, speak when spoken to and not think for themselves. They use TV and video games as babysitters, they ignore them but explode when they do something the mother or father feel is wrong. 

As much as we want to blame society and all its ills on the problems children are experiencing, all of it begins in the home. Mothers, fathers, parents are responsible for helping to develop those in their charge grow into productive citizens. Problem is most of us are ruined before we are five. Here in Louisville, KY some of the worse behaviors come from children in grade school. They leave home cursed out, hungry and treated as though they don't matter. 

Every mother, father and parent should be required to take a parenting course once the woman is found to be pregnant. It may not solve all the problems, but at least their children will have a fighting chance.