Why Women Lack Accountability

 Accountability--is the obligation to accept responsibility for, or to account for, once's actions, decisions and outcomes. 

Key Principles of Accountability 

Ownership: Taking initiative for actions and outcomes, not just tasks.

Answerability: The obligation to explain or justify actions, particularly to stakeholders or superiors.

Transparency: Making actions, decisions, and process visible.

Consistency: Reliability in following through commitments.

Corrective Action: Acknowledging mistakes and taking steps to correct them.

Many women have a problem taking personal responsibility for their actions or lack thereof in their intimate relationships. They make choices based on how they feel whether the feelings are correct or not and expect their choices to be accepted. Sometimes even after they are proven incorrect, they still hold on to their responses or actions that led to the discord. 

My mother was a champion at this. Her favorite phrase after being proven wrong was, "Whenever you get through with it." This indicated that she was stopping the argument, but still held on to her thoughts of being right. It was an extremely rare occasion she omitted to or accepted she was wrong. She absolutely refused to explain herself and expected others to just accept what she said or did as correct. No apologies; if she did apologize it was not sincere. She mocked the person or straight up laughed during the apology letting you know she did not take you seriously. 

Because of experiencing this behavior on a daily basis, I became a staunch believer in holding oneself accountable and owing up to mistakes and apologizing when I was wrong. One of the things my offspring bring up when talking about their childhood is how I apologized to them when it was warranted. 

I know so many women who refuse to apologize when they are blatantly wrong, especially to their children and partners. I believe women lack taking accountability because we're often right a lot. I know it sounds crazy, but I really do believe this. They think because they have right 75% of the time they should receive grace for the 25% they are not. One of the major principles of accountability is transparency. Many women have secrets like spending money they shouldn't, abusing drugs and alcohol or making major decisions that will adversely affect their homelife. When they are caught, they violate the principle of answerability and feel they do not have to account for their actions. Instead, they'll bring up what someone did years ago, if they have to just to keep from being held accountable. 

Women who will not hold themselves accountable and become angry or revengeful when someone else holds them accountable do not realize no one respects them. They can't be trusted and are often someone people are reluctant to be around. 

A woman who doesn't hold herself accountable will never be fully trusted nor respected. A man will minimize her feelings, thoughts and actions. If she cannot acknowledge her mistakes and put forth an effort to correct them, a man will cease to engage even when there is no strife. 

A woman who lacks accountability is not trustworthy. They usually lord over others with no expectation of folk pushing back and when or if they do the woman will play victim or be brutal. They have no personal integrity. Doing the right thing usually means whatever is right for them. Blaming others for the outcome of their actions is another typical response from those who do not hold themselves accountable.

Women get angry when men say, "Choose better," when it comes to the men they let into their lives. Yes, many men do hide who they are during the "getting to know you," stage, but just as many don't. I have a family member who went through with her wedding ceremony to a man who stood next to her with blood shot eyes and actually needed help to stay linear. My uncle approached her at the alter and told her she didn't have to go through with the ceremony. She did it anyway and the man she married moved out two weeks later. A classic case of she should have made a better choice, but when he left, she refused to accept it and tried to force him to come back. Why, because she couldn't hold herself accountable for the mistake she made. 

You see this time and time again women making choices based on what they want and not thinking about what is in their best interest. Women choosing men who they know from jump are not capable of meeting them where they need to be met, but they think they can change them. Then, once they can't take "him" no more they blame him. 

Another reason women do not hold themselves accountable is because they rely to heavily on their "feelings." Many women really believe what they feel whether it is not backed by facts or even reality. They do not understand how magical thinking, lack of coping and critical thinking skills play a huge part in whether they are right or not what actions they should take or should they consult someone before making a move. "I did what I had to do," becomes the excuse when a wrong choice does not bear the fruit they hoped it would.

Lastly, women lack accountability because patriarchy has brainwashed them into believing a man is the answer to their prayers. That having a man in their lives will make it easier. They choose to give up who they are and live their lives for their husband's and children then cry and point the finger when things do not turn out as they hoped they would. Take responsibility and hold yourself accountable for the outcomes you seek.