The Well Ran Dry

 It really is true that you don't miss the water til the well runs dry. It took me a while to fully understand what I physically lost when my husband died. It's been 11 years since his death, but it's only been within the last five years that I have understood the depth of his presence in my life. He saw me and he reshaped his life to fit into my life in many ways. 

The biggest area he did this reshaping had to do with learning to dance. Music and dancing are an ingrained part of my being. Saying I love to dance is an understatement. My mother loves to tell the story about when my Aunt Maeola came to visit from New York. I was around 6 and playing my records. When she entered the house and spoke to me, I spoke to her, but paid her no other attention as I was intensely into my song.

"Wanda, when you have company you should turn your music off."

'Go home then,' I said in only the manner a true Capricorn could. I wasn't being rude. I was being a matter of fact. Music and I was/am one.

I got on my families nerves singing and dancing throughout the house on a daily basis. I went to sleep listening to soft rock and pop radio. Music seems to touch every part of my body. I didn't miss a school dance. I made sure I was at every dance we were allowed to attend in the morning before school. Some brilliant administrator thought of having dances in the morning to boost attendance. It worked. Once you were in, you couldn't get out because they put chains on the side doors. You'd have to try to escape from the front door which was monitored.

When I graduated, even though E. St. Louis, IL was known for its nightlife, I valued my life and did not go to the clubs. The very first time I did there was a shooting and I had to turn over a table to duck behind. I was forced, once again to dance at home. I moved to Evanston, IL in 1983 after graduating from Belleville Area College. It was a dry town and there was no place to go dancing. When the first liquor store was opened, restaurants were able to sell liquor. The Bennigan's chain of restaurants that had a dance floor came to town and it was on. I was in there Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. This is where I met the man who taught me how to love, but not before I taught him how to dance.

Jerome didn't dance at all when I met him, but he had watched me dance by myself and saw how much I enjoyed it. Once we started dating and going to Bennigan's, he would stand by me on the floor, stomp his feet and clap his hands. I asked him to let me teach him how to dance and did. His reluctance was moving his hips unless we were slow dancing. Any dance that focused on arm movements he picked up. He even went as far as to enter a dance contest with me. I was shocked he agreed to it. While we were on the floor, I was focused on doing my thang. After our time was up, people came up to me and said, "You were jamming, but your partner just stood there."

He froze and we lost, but I didn't care because it was his willingness, backed up by him actually getting on stage that mattered the most. He did it for me. Now, that I'm single and hoping to match up with someone I am finding it difficult to meet someone who fits. Either they are wonderful but refuses to dance or they'll dance but are lacking in many other ways. Just yesterday; I talked to a man who was open, interested and could hold a conversation. When I mentioned I go dancing at least once a week, he became a little agitated. "I don't dance. It just ain't me. People be asking me why I don't dance and I tell them it just ain't me."

I asked him if he slow danced and he flew into another rant. Oh well, another one bites the dust; I at least want someone who will hold me and sway to the music. It's crazy to me that I may not have another relationship because I am unable to find someone who likes to dance. Dancing has so many benefits that people aren't aware of. Movement, especially at our age is vital and dancing is one of the few low impact activities that is fun and beneficial to one's health.

Yes, I'm willing to forgo companionship if I am unable to meet someone who dances because the chances of a man wanting me to stay home with him, or may be jealous are high if he doesn't dance. Ain't nobody got time for that.