This Is Worth Keeping

I saw a video on Facebook where Dan Rather was interviewing Billy Bob Thornton. Dan asked Billy about his six marriages. Billy said he should have never gotten married that he did so because he was a romantic but mostly a playboy. Dan asked him what was different about the 6th marriage as he has been with this wife for 16 years. Billy Bob said, "I took a look and thought "this" is worth keeping."

This was my comment: 'Damn, he got it. Self-centered behavior is what ruins relationships. If you notice he didn't say "she," he said "this." The "this" is the marriage. He finally got it wasn't just about him or the other person but what they built together.' Wanda Johnson Hall

 One of the reasons so many relationships collapse is due to self-centered attitudes within the it that refuse to recognize a marriage consists of the two people and the marriage. Part of the reason the marriage is deemed disposable is due to it never really having a life and room to grow between the two people in it. They spend so much time thinking about themselves as separate they forget they got married to be together. 

I am a firm believer in one maintaining who they are as a human being but as we all know humans are capable of wearing many hats. Employee, mother, father, friend, husband, wife. Often it simply comes down to what one prioritizes that will make the difference in how satisfied they are with their lives. One of the things that baffles me most is this idea marriage is supposed make one happy. Happiness is truly an inside job. If you ain't happy before you get married, you most definitely won't be once you get married. There are too many variables to contend with that may effect a union.

Many marriages begin to breakdown once children enter the picture most often due to the imbalance likely to occur regarding the care and nurture of the them. Household chores become an issue. Time spent with each other and their sex lives may change drastically. When these situations happen, those involved rarely think about how it impacts the marriage. They focus on how it makes them feel and what they are not getting. They're unhappy.

Many in marriages don't think about it as "this" (the marriage), and what their individual desires are doing to it. They are not feeding it. They are starving its ability to reconcile them. They forget the vows, "To death do us part," and would rather just kill the marriage off if they can't have what they want. A marriage can be a living, breathing entity if those who are in it acknowledge and nurture it. If those would simply think, is "this" (the marriage) worth giving up? If they'd only ask themselves what can I bring to "this" that would give it life and help it flourish?

Billy Bob, a man who had married and divorced five times finally understood that marriage wasn't about him. He saw its greater purpose and was able to make the necessary adjustments to make "this" work.